As she stared at all the wood surrounding her, her eyes glazed over with tears. She ran her hand down the wood and wished she was somewhere else. Why was this happening to her? Hadn’t she been through enough?
‘Miss Clayton?’
She shook her head.
‘Miss Clayton, you have to answer his question.’
She blinked and let the tears fall. She looked up and the rage and pain left her eyes and all that was left was a daunting look of emptiness.
‘You did this to me,’ she whispered, looking at the monster behind the defendant’s table.
‘YOU DID THIS TO ME!’ she yelled. ‘HAVEN’T YOU TAKEN ENOUGH?’
‘Miss Clay-‘
She screamed. The bailiff came over putting his hand on her shoulder. She jerked away, falling, ‘Don’t hurt me.’ She hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed. Terror filled her eyes before she shut them closed.
‘Order!’ The judge yelled as he banged His gravel. ’15 minute recess for Miss Clayton,’ he finished with a pained expression.
She was helped up and taken to the restroom. There was a soothing voice in her ear but she didn’t hear any of what was being said.
She looked up and saw her expression looking back at her. She had dark hollow marks under her eyes. Her cheeks had sunken in. Her hair was sticking in all directions and there were tear stained marks on the front of her blouse. When she finally looked into her own eyes, she was taken back. The emptiness of them were terrifying. How could someone take so much of her? Not just from the outside but from the inside. Parts of her that made her who she was. Parts of her that made her feel complete. Was part of it her own fault? Did she let this happen to her? She didn’t know for sure but her therapist tried numerous times to convince her none of it was her fault. But then why did she feel this way?
Was any of this worth it? Was putting her monster away in prison really going to make her feel whole again? She didn’t know but she had to pull herself together. She needed to get back in there and finish this. She didn’t know if putting this evil away would make her feel better but it was a hell of a start.
…
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